So, this entry will be random, partially cuz it's late and partially cuz I've been on pain killers all week.
So, lately I've been entertaining the idea of having a baby. A lot of our friends and family are having babies, and it'd be fun to have kids the same age. The problem is that as I'm thinking about it, can I justify bringing another person into this world, when there are already so many kids who need love? I started comparing it in my head to dogs, and even though it's a crude comparison, it kind of makes sense to me. If we promote spaying and neutering and adopting animals because there are so many homeless animals, why don't we promote that more with people? Not necessarily snipping off certain abilities, but the idea of adoption.
I've had people tell me that I need to have at least one of my own. Experience child birth at least once. Why? Why is it so necessary? To me, the thought of having something growing inside of me that will make me miserable for 9 months kind of freaks me out. I really don't know if I could handle it.
Something that really pushed my mommy button was this little girl at church. This family took in this little boy and girl after their mom dumped them at their house and refuses to take them back, and yet she refuses to give up parental rights. The family that took them has 6 kids of their own so it's not exactly ideal. Anyway , this little girl is a blonde-haired blue-eyed little cutie that kind of looks like me when I was a kid. I was holding her before church one morning and she ended up falling asleep on my chest. It just melted my heart and I had a hard time giving her up. Now if I'm dragging my feet to go to church, I remember that I'll see her and suddenly I'm excited to go.
It just saddens me so much that her parents don't want her. They are complete messes and drug addicts, so it's beyond me how they managed to have 4 kids (the 2 older ones are still with the mom). It just blows my mind. So then that really made me think of just how many kids are out there with dead beat parents who really need someone to love them. Why can't I love them?
People will make the argument that they aren't mine. Why can't they be? My dogs aren't related to me, but damn if they aren't mine. There doesn't need to be a blood relation to have the ability to love someone endlessly. You just need to have strong will, the room in your heart and the grace from God. If you have love to give, why not give it instead of trying to create it.
I'm confused. Maybe I'm just emotional about the little girl. Maybe we can consider adopting and having biological (if I can ever mentally handle that). I don't know. Blasahhh.